Please don't get me wrong, I love my son.

Name Key: As they have been changed to protect the innocent!
Ethan = my son (6 years old)
John = my husband
Stan = Ethan's biological Dad otherwise known as Sperm or Sperm Donor

Please don't get me wrong, I love my son, I really do, but I never knew you could hate him at the same time so very much.

Ethan is a bright and intelligent young man. He is caring and loving and the best big brother ever. When he is in his bad moods though, this all changes. In an instant he can go from being sweet and caring to name calling, swearing, yelling, throwing this and being as cruel as possible.

Today I woke up and he was in his room playing with Lego's, I told him two more minutes and the Lego's need to be cleaned up so you can get ready for school. When I came back amazingly enough he had listened and I asked him to get ready for school. I started getting his sister ready and my husband was home so when she was dressed I had him start her breakfast so I could get in the shower. When I got out turmoil had started. Ethan was angry and John was ignoring it. I asked Ethan what was wrong and he wouldn't tell me he just walked away. I told him I can't help him unless he talks to me. He still didn't, John came back in the house and I asked him, he said, "Apparently Ethan was talking to me when I was outside and I did not hear him so he got mad." I let Ethan calm down for a little while while I finished getting myself ready. He calmed down and got back to his chores. Him and I shared breakfast together.

Then he went to go brush his teeth and started screaming, I told him to stop and he did not listen, this in turn got me angry and I smacked him. Yes I know I should not have done it, I am very sorry I did. (He does tend to make horrid noises that are of utmost annoyance and when asked to stop ignores you and makes them worse). Thus began the downward spiral. He continued to scream and cry for about 45 minutes as well as calling me names and telling me to shut up and saying I am not going to school. I told him if he does not go to school then he will clean the house and he will not go to his dads tonight. Staying home from school is the same as being sick as far as going to daddy's house. He said, I don't care I hate him. I called his dad (Sperm) and he could not talk him down. My husband wanted to call him to have him take him however by the time he would have gotten here it would have been over with. He has no car so he has to wait for his girlfriend to come get him and then bring him over. Ethan tried to climb out the bedroom window to run away ( don't worry, we are on the bottom floor), I finally had to restrain him by sitting on him until he calm down. I told him if he calmed down I would get off and rub his back to help him calm down. I also told him I was sorry for smacking him and that I should have not done that. He finally did calm down enough so I could get off of him and he rolled over so I could rub his back. I asked him to go lay on his bed for a little while and I would be back to check on him.

I went and made a few calls and about 15 minutes later went to go check on him. When I did he was not in his room. I checked my room and there he was watching TV. He knew better and I told him to go to his room, he told me no every time I told him to go, so I picked him up and put him in there. Thus another downward spiral, but sorry if you refuse to go to school and you behave badly this does not mean you get to watch TV. You can play with your Lego's or read or even clean, but nothing else. He started throwing things at me and yelling, calling names, swinging at me and trying to climb out of the window yet again. I left the room and closed the door and he began to break one of his toys. I went back in and he said I don't even like this toy and continued to break it. I let him know that he would not get a Hanukkah present tonight because he broke his toy. He said I don't care. I came back in one more time to get my daughter ready for her bath and he was in a corner of his room and said this is where the idiots sit, I'm a fucking asshole, I wish I had a gun and I want to be in heaven. I left him in his room to calm down. After her bath was done he was finally done and I came back in to check on him and to get her dressed. He was sitting down and looked at me and said sorry for calling you names and yelling at you. I told him thank you for the apology and that I was sorry he did that too. I finished getting his sister dress and put her down for her nap. Then I went back in his room and told him he needed to clean it. He did start to clean it. While he was cleaning I said, "I am making lunch for myself would you like anything?" He told me he wasn't hungry I said OK and went to make lunch. I also made a phone call and was on the computer doing work and he came out and started at me. I ignored him as I was on a call. He started to close my computer and type on it to get my attention and then he pushed the power button, I pretended it didn't bother me and closed my computer. He then pulled the cord out of it and again I ignored him and continued my call. He then tried to rip the cord out of my phone and I took it out and wrapped up my call as I was done anyways. He had nothing else to take from me so he went back to his room to clean. I went back in to see how he was doing and he was playing with his cars. I told him that the only things he can play with are Lego's and reading books. He listened and went to his Lego's after I put his cars away.

Right now he is in his room calm. I am praying the rest of the day goes better. I know not everything I have done is right, but I am learning and asking for help where ever I can. If you have advice I would love to hear it. As for doctors his father and I have 50-50 legal custody so whatever I do he has to approve. He is now in contempt of court as he has not followed the orders so I am trying to get things moving along as best I can. At this point I am on my own until then. Thanks for listening, I hope this helps someone else know that we are not alone in this struggle.

"Find a moment in laughter every day!" By: Me :)